


i'm breathing so i guess i'm still alive (even if the signs seem to tell me otherwise)

by sunsetsandsillhouettes



Category: Almost Human
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Because Being Kidnapped And Held Hostage Sucks, F/M, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 13:57:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1107684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetsandsillhouettes/pseuds/sunsetsandsillhouettes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Valerie opens her eyes to the dark light of the bedroom she shares with Dorian and John. Her chest heaves and shallow gasps fill the silence of the apartment. <em>Stop.</em> She thinks shakily, snapping her eyes shut. <em>You're safe. You're fine. Stop. Breathe.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm breathing so i guess i'm still alive (even if the signs seem to tell me otherwise)

**Author's Note:**

> Public Service Announcement: Nothing makes me happier than writing Johvian. This is a scientifically tested, proven fact.
> 
> Title taken from Avenged Sevenfold -- "Nightmare"

_The room is different this time. It’s like every cliche movie she’s ever seen with someone being held captive. The room is dim. She can’t see well enough to tell the color of the walls, and it’s cold. A lightbulb over her head blinks in and out of light with a sizzle of electricity._ On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.

_The light goes off._

_She waits for it to turn back on._

_It doesn’t._

_Panic sets in. Her heart beats so fast she can hear the blood pounding in her ears, and she’s terrified. She tries hard to remember what she was taught as a detective. What does she do in a hostage situation?_

Step #1: Stay calm. _She reminds herself to breathe, to regain her composure. She can’t lose it._

Step #2: Observe your surroundings. _She’s alone in a dark room, defenseless, wrists and legs tied and she can feel blood trickling down her cheek and she’s alone she’s alone. She forgets all the rules she was taught abruptly and she twists her hands behind her back, fingers spread as she tries frantically to free herself. Her wrists are raw and bleeding and she has to bite her lip to keep from screaming out and drawing attention to herself._

 _The door slams open suddenly, and she jumps, but she quickly composes herself and doesn’t show any fear_ (Step #3). _One of her cloned captors enters at a fast pace, straight towards her. Her heart slams against her chest and she sees a knife and he looks angry and he’s not slowing down and he’s getting closer and she thrashes in the chair and her wrists hurt and she opens her mouth to scream but nothing comes out and he stabs the knife into —_

Valerie opens her eyes to the dark light of the bedroom she shares with Dorian and John, and a dull, sleepy ache in her arms makes her realize that she’s sitting up. Her chest heaves and shallow gasps fill the silence of the apartment. _Stop._ She thinks shakily, snapping her eyes shut. _You’re safe. You’re fine. Stop. Breathe._

"Hey." A voice to her right says — John. She feels him shift and sit up next to her, his hand coming up to her back.

Before she can respond, Dorian is sitting up too, turning his body towards her. He automatically goes for one of her hands, holding it between the artificial warmth of both of his. “Are you alright?” He asks, voice soft and kind.

"Yeah," Valerie responds hoarsely, shaking her head without really knowing why she’s doing it. "Yeah. I’m — yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t mean to wake you guys. I’m okay. I’m okay." She says it like a mantra, and she’s not really sure if it’s for their benefit or hers.

"The hell you are." John says, his calming tone not at all matching his words. His hand stays at her back, and it grounds her. "You _screamed_.”

Her eyes open, and she turns to John, brows furrowed. “What?”

Dorian answers this time, pulling her attention back to him. “You were screaming.”

Valerie drops her head in her hands, unintentionally pulling her hand out of Dorian’s. “Oh, my god. I’m so sorry for waking you guys up.”

John says, “ _Don’t be sorry_ ,” at the same time that Dorian responds, " _I don’t sleep, Valerie_."

Valerie lifts her head out of her hands and sees them glaring at each other, because they hate when they talk over each other, and she loses it. She laughs so hard her ribs ache, and the sound of her own laughter is so loud it’s all she can hear.

It starts getting choked before she can stop herself, and then she’s sobbing. Her vision blurs and she clenches her teeth to try and keep herself from making those gross crying noises she’s prone to, but she ends up sounding even more pathetic. Her face is soaked in record time.

Everything is quiet, save the sounds that she can’t stop from escaping her mouth.

John’s hand moves to the side of her face and she crumbles into him, unable to keep the tears from flowing. He pulls her onto his bare shoulder, and she fists her hands in his tank top. John stays for a while, but soon guides them carefully until they’re lying down, and Dorian follows suit. The android wraps an arm around her waist, the other carding through her hair the way he knows calms her down.

"You’re safe, you’re okay." Dorian whispers this softly in her ear over and over.

She stops crying after a while, but she doesn’t really know when. Her breathing evens out eventually, and she doesn’t feel like her heart is going to burst anymore. Well, it does, actually, but it’s for a completely different reason this time.

"I’m sorry," Valerie says quietly, feeling herself slipping from consciousness. She keeps herself awake for a little longer, because she needs to tell them how much she appreciates them. How much she loves them. She opens her mouth, but she can’t get the words to come out.

She falls asleep with her heart in her throat and the two people she loves more than anything wrapped around her, and she’s never felt more safe.


End file.
